dutchster:

antoinettemalificus:

jetblueivy:

drive thru employees
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definitely
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do not
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get paid
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enough
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for
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this
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shit
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they are sick of your nonsense
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I lost my fucking shit at the fish and scared the shit out of my cat!! I am crying!! 

are you kidding me things like are a very welcome relief to an otherwise boring shift of doing repetitive work

with all my anxiety about climate change i am trying to enjoy this cold long winter and not complain, but even i just shed a tear when i had to move my space heater BACK into my room because i’m freezing my ass off

it’s not a pun, but here’s the most dad-joke joke i can think of:

at the height of his career Babe Ruth was making $80,000 - an enormous sum for the time. When told he was making more money than President Hoover, Ruth said, “I had a better year.” It was 1927

it’s got everything - nostalgia, baseball, money, history. perfect dad anecdote.

vvitcx said: I knew u were hung

here’s the story of the time i got owned harder than ever before

i worked at a grocery store and early in the morning, before customers were in the store, i got pissed off and i shouted at someone, “suck my entire dick!”

and from a few aisles away came the devastating retort, “what, all four inches?”

i’m dead now

edit: i’m alive again because i remembered that that guy was an irredeemable asshole and making dick-size jokes is gauche as fuck but admittedly i thought it was pretty funny at the time

lmao

i’m supposed to be writing an essay on Immanuel Kant’s “Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals” right now

lmao

i’m supposed to be writing an essay on Immanuel Kant’s “Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals” right now

oh cool you can make creepy gifs too, how lovely

oh cool you can make creepy gifs too, how lovely

you can take selfies directly in tumblr now, or this has always been a thing that i’ve just never noticed

you can take selfies directly in tumblr now, or this has always been a thing that i’ve just never noticed